so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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