I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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