would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
