Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
