so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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