Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
