she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
