I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
