what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
