You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
