Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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