I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
