she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
