On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
