omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
