fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
