Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
