Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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