I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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