I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
