I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
