Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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