if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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