May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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