I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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