I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
