As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
