my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
