He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
