Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
