everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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