I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
this hospital has no fireball
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
