Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
