I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
