so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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