Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
