My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
