I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
