A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
