I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
