is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
