If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
