Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
