Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
