Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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