Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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