Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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