rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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