I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
