i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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