I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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